Losing Your Best Friend
There's been so many monumental things that have happened in my life. Most are good things and some I've really struggled to understand their meanings. Adoption is an issue that is dear to my heart in alot of respects. But family and friends whether their adopted or not mean so much more to me.
I have friends in my life that have been there since I was a little girl. We all grew up in the same church and/or parochial school (except for a few). Unfortunately because of our lives, families and professions, time just doesn't allow us to be together very often. I wish there was more time in the day, week or even month to just sit down and chit chat... but it never seems to happen.
I have one friend that her and I talk when we can on myspace.com or by e-mail. She and I both have 17 year olds that will be graduating in June. Boy, does that make us feel old and we've known each other since we were in... gosh kindergarten (I think). Time has just flown by fast. We used to get into a "little" trouble when we were teenagers (tee hee). Hey "G" you know what I'm talking about if you're reading - lol. G and I just recently found out that we're related through my amom. G's uncle married my mom's cousin - WILD isn't it? All that time and we never knew.
I have another friend that lives about 80 miles from me and we talk on the phone when we can. It's not that often but it's the only time our schedule permits. We've known each other for about 27 years (ugh did I just say that) - Shout out to "L" too.....
Another one of my friends since we were 10 years old has flown the coop and I've had to walk away from our friendship. It saddened me, but I can't be a friend to someone who can't help themselves and it affects me, my family and hers in a HUGE monumental way. I pray in my heart that she gets the help that she needs and deserves.
That brings me to my best friend growing up. However, I lost her to an overdose when I was 15 years old and she was 16. Cathy was my parents godchild and I knew her from the day I was adopted. We grew up together (what time we did have), went places together, did things together and got in trouble together. Cathy and I were "thick as thieves" growing up. Our families were intertwined and still are to this day. Cathy's parents recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and her sister became a grandma. I just couldn't bring myself to attend. The thoughts of partying and her not being there just drudged up alot of hurt and pain inside me.
A site that I frequent has a "psychic" reader on it. And I asked for a reading. She came back with answers to my questions then starting asking me questions about someone that was coming through to her. I was freaked at most because she started asking questions about a "C" person. The questions became clear and evident that it was Cathy coming through to her. What made me believe was when I posted an answer to something she came back and asked "did you ask her to make herself known" (not exact words)? And I started laughing because at the time I so wanted to hear from Cathy so before I logged onto the site I whispered "okay kiddo if this is you make yourself known and quit fooling around" (I swear this happened). That's when I read what she asked on the site. It blew me away. Through that reading I learned some things regarding her death. I always questioned whether it was an accident, on purpose or foul play (because of where she was and the situation she was in). The answer was accident. That she "couldn't pull herself back".
I often wonder what Cathy's and my life would be like now. She has a beautiful daughter that was born about 6 months before her passing. The funny thing is when Cathy's daughter arrived in the states she had beautiful brown eyes and brown hair. Nothing like Cathy who was blonde and blue eyed. Then I look at Cathy's sisters daughter who was the spitting image of Cathy when she was little. Both daughters are grown now and having children of their own.
I never had the chance to pay my final respects to Cathy either. Her body was buried in Guatemala where she lived and I suppose her husband is buried right beside her (he was killed a couple years after her death). I want to visit her and talk to her. I want her to know how much I miss her but I suppose she already knows. I can hear her in the back of my mind saying "what the hell is wrong with you" and then chuckling the way she did. Cathy loved my parents. She used to call my dad "uncle Al the kiddies pal" (his name was Al).
I will never understand this loss and I don't think I'll ever get over it. Some say in the adoption world that "at least death brings closure". I question this because in adoption you at least have that chance to meet again one day on this earth. In death you will only meet in the afterlife.
Well, I won't say good-bye to Cathy, but I will say "so long my friend until we meet again - I miss you".
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
A Happy Day!!!!!
Our son is of a closed adoption. Unfortunately, in the late 80's that was common and open adoptions were a dime a dozen and not understood like they are now. I wish that I would have known more about open adoption.
I've been preparing our son to one day meet his firstmom "D". I still remember her smile and sweet persona the day we met her. A day that will live in my heart and be forever etched in my mind.
I called the agency when he was 15 and talked with a worker there who pulled his file for me. I wanted to know if "D" had been in contact with them and if I could send some pictures and such. They informed me that she had not contacted them after the first year or two of the adoption. It saddened me in alot of ways because once I reconnected with my birthfamily I realized that I didn't want our son to wait 37 years like I did to once again meet his first mom and family that I knew would be wondering about his whereabouts, health and just plain well being. It was then that I found out that the mutual contact age agreed upon was 21 and not 18 (not that 18 mattered). I immediately changed it. Although I wanted "Anytime" replaced with 21 they told me that they set it at 18 but would contact me immediately if "D" showed interest.
I then told our son what I had done and he informed me that he had no interest in reuniting and was more concerned about puberty and high school. I guess in a way I understood because puberty and teenage years really suck. You're no longer a child and not quite an adult. It's a trying time to say the least. So I once again had to put that thought of reunion on the back burner in my mind. My hubby finally said "honey it's your dream not his". And then it hit me... He's right!!! It is my dream and I want it to be his.
Now our son is 17 and I brought up the subject again. His answer was "okay mom, once I'm in college you can make the arrangements". Then I explained to him what I told the agency about how she was welcome to call us if she ever contacted them. I told him ""A" you may just get a call from your firstmom any day". The nice thing is it didn't shock him, anger him or anything. But I did see a little smile and my heart just melted because I realized that it's his dream as well.
Oh Happy Day!!!
Our son is of a closed adoption. Unfortunately, in the late 80's that was common and open adoptions were a dime a dozen and not understood like they are now. I wish that I would have known more about open adoption.
I've been preparing our son to one day meet his firstmom "D". I still remember her smile and sweet persona the day we met her. A day that will live in my heart and be forever etched in my mind.
I called the agency when he was 15 and talked with a worker there who pulled his file for me. I wanted to know if "D" had been in contact with them and if I could send some pictures and such. They informed me that she had not contacted them after the first year or two of the adoption. It saddened me in alot of ways because once I reconnected with my birthfamily I realized that I didn't want our son to wait 37 years like I did to once again meet his first mom and family that I knew would be wondering about his whereabouts, health and just plain well being. It was then that I found out that the mutual contact age agreed upon was 21 and not 18 (not that 18 mattered). I immediately changed it. Although I wanted "Anytime" replaced with 21 they told me that they set it at 18 but would contact me immediately if "D" showed interest.
I then told our son what I had done and he informed me that he had no interest in reuniting and was more concerned about puberty and high school. I guess in a way I understood because puberty and teenage years really suck. You're no longer a child and not quite an adult. It's a trying time to say the least. So I once again had to put that thought of reunion on the back burner in my mind. My hubby finally said "honey it's your dream not his". And then it hit me... He's right!!! It is my dream and I want it to be his.
Now our son is 17 and I brought up the subject again. His answer was "okay mom, once I'm in college you can make the arrangements". Then I explained to him what I told the agency about how she was welcome to call us if she ever contacted them. I told him ""A" you may just get a call from your firstmom any day". The nice thing is it didn't shock him, anger him or anything. But I did see a little smile and my heart just melted because I realized that it's his dream as well.
Oh Happy Day!!!
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