Losing Your Best Friend

There's been so many monumental things that have happened in my life. Most are good things and some I've really struggled to understand their meanings. Adoption is an issue that is dear to my heart in alot of respects. But family and friends whether their adopted or not mean so much more to me.

I have friends in my life that have been there since I was a little girl. We all grew up in the same church and/or parochial school (except for a few). Unfortunately because of our lives, families and professions, time just doesn't allow us to be together very often. I wish there was more time in the day, week or even month to just sit down and chit chat... but it never seems to happen.

I have one friend that her and I talk when we can on myspace.com or by e-mail. She and I both have 17 year olds that will be graduating in June. Boy, does that make us feel old and we've known each other since we were in... gosh kindergarten (I think). Time has just flown by fast. We used to get into a "little" trouble when we were teenagers (tee hee). Hey "G" you know what I'm talking about if you're reading - lol. G and I just recently found out that we're related through my amom. G's uncle married my mom's cousin - WILD isn't it? All that time and we never knew.

I have another friend that lives about 80 miles from me and we talk on the phone when we can. It's not that often but it's the only time our schedule permits. We've known each other for about 27 years (ugh did I just say that) - Shout out to "L" too.....

Another one of my friends since we were 10 years old has flown the coop and I've had to walk away from our friendship. It saddened me, but I can't be a friend to someone who can't help themselves and it affects me, my family and hers in a HUGE monumental way. I pray in my heart that she gets the help that she needs and deserves.

That brings me to my best friend growing up. However, I lost her to an overdose when I was 15 years old and she was 16. Cathy was my parents godchild and I knew her from the day I was adopted. We grew up together (what time we did have), went places together, did things together and got in trouble together. Cathy and I were "thick as thieves" growing up. Our families were intertwined and still are to this day. Cathy's parents recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and her sister became a grandma. I just couldn't bring myself to attend. The thoughts of partying and her not being there just drudged up alot of hurt and pain inside me.

A site that I frequent has a "psychic" reader on it. And I asked for a reading. She came back with answers to my questions then starting asking me questions about someone that was coming through to her. I was freaked at most because she started asking questions about a "C" person. The questions became clear and evident that it was Cathy coming through to her. What made me believe was when I posted an answer to something she came back and asked "did you ask her to make herself known" (not exact words)? And I started laughing because at the time I so wanted to hear from Cathy so before I logged onto the site I whispered "okay kiddo if this is you make yourself known and quit fooling around" (I swear this happened). That's when I read what she asked on the site. It blew me away. Through that reading I learned some things regarding her death. I always questioned whether it was an accident, on purpose or foul play (because of where she was and the situation she was in). The answer was accident. That she "couldn't pull herself back".

I often wonder what Cathy's and my life would be like now. She has a beautiful daughter that was born about 6 months before her passing. The funny thing is when Cathy's daughter arrived in the states she had beautiful brown eyes and brown hair. Nothing like Cathy who was blonde and blue eyed. Then I look at Cathy's sisters daughter who was the spitting image of Cathy when she was little. Both daughters are grown now and having children of their own.

I never had the chance to pay my final respects to Cathy either. Her body was buried in Guatemala where she lived and I suppose her husband is buried right beside her (he was killed a couple years after her death). I want to visit her and talk to her. I want her to know how much I miss her but I suppose she already knows. I can hear her in the back of my mind saying "what the hell is wrong with you" and then chuckling the way she did. Cathy loved my parents. She used to call my dad "uncle Al the kiddies pal" (his name was Al).

I will never understand this loss and I don't think I'll ever get over it. Some say in the adoption world that "at least death brings closure". I question this because in adoption you at least have that chance to meet again one day on this earth. In death you will only meet in the afterlife.

Well, I won't say good-bye to Cathy, but I will say "so long my friend until we meet again - I miss you".