Musing with the Inept...

For years now I have been on the computer reading about adoption and the effects of it. I've read the good stories, the bad stories and the complete rantings of the "inept". Musings of sort from people who can only demean and deface others. While in the same sentence or post try to make themselves out as the martyrs of our society.

I've read blogs where they take religion and politics and turned them into adoption issues. Postings where adoptees are brainwashed and lives are ruined by people who raised them as their own. Sentences where they use the words "self serving" for the adoptive parents and the term "fresh, warm and still damp" babies as those innocent creatures who did not have a say or vote of what happens to them.

As an adoptee, I have the utmost respect and love for my birthmother. I understand and accept the reasons for "HER" decision. I hold no grudges or animosity towards her. I have compassion for her as she has for me. She understands that I have a dual life with another family who raised me as their own and showed me the love and morals that they showed their own birth children. Not once has she said a negative word about them. Not once has she tried to brainwash me into thinking that they are bad people. And frankly I think if she did I would not have the same respect for her.

As an adoptive mom, I have a child who was raised with unconditional love. He attends one of the finest Universitites and I have compassion, love and I understand the hurt and sorrow that his birthmom must have felt and probably is still feeling. I have never said anything negative about his birthmom nor would I ever. What would that accomplish? He will have to form his own opinion and draw his own lines when he does meet them. My hubby and I both encourage our child that it's okay to have feelings about it and that it's okay for him to want to meet his birthfamily. We both feel it's a very important part of his life that we don't want him to miss out. But I will not push him when he's not ready. I will not ask him to live my dream for him to meet them. It's his choice and his feelings about it. But I will always be there for him. No matter what!!!!

So, why this blog???

Because I'm tired of being quiet. I'm tired of birthmothers speaking out for adoptees and adoptive parents. I'm tired of being crucified and not fighting back. This is a way for us to be heard and not have to hear back from them and their martyr attitudes.

I really think that they should look up the word martyr and some of the names behind that title. They don't even come close to them.

On another note please don't miscontrue that this applies to all birthmothers. I've talked to alot of birthmoms who don't share the view of those that are disgruntled. They too are appalled and frankly ashamed to be part of their realm. They don't like the fact that they use the term "all" when it comes to being a birth parent. There's alot of them that didn't like the fact that some went looking for their birth children when they were underage and asked to wait until the child became 18. They understood why but worried for the child. If you think about it some are on the opposite side of the spectrum where they share the same bond. Strange but true.

With that said now I ask you..... Who's self serving?