The Search

My decision to search the 2nd time brought on some anxiety and maybe a little fear. Fear that maybe my birthmom wouldn't want to meet me. Fear that I didn't have any siblings. Fear that noone knew about me. Part of my decision to search was based on Fear that I would die alone. I know that sounds so stupid because I have a wonderful adoptive family, hubby that loves me and a son (remember he's adopted too) who is the light of my life. I had NO blood connection to anything!!! Nothing!!!! I was basically alone with my DNA with noone who shared it. I don't care what anybody says and as petty as that may sound, it is a very important part of everybody. "J" was behind me 100% and was my rock during this whole process. My older brother "R" was there too and offered to tell mom and dad that I decided to search. They knew that one day I would do it and offered to help with the search, but I just didn't want to tell them until I was ready. This was something that I had to do on my own.

So off on an adventure I went....

The first time I decided to search I did receive my non-identifying information. That gave me the basics. I knew how many siblings she had (13 of them) which ended up being a very important clue for me.

I spoke with a "search angel" in Oregon who helped me. We spoke on the phone one evening for almost 3 hours while he went through all his books and such finding me information. In that one phone call he found my amended birth certificate, a second amended birth certificate (they couldn't make up their mind on my name) and my original birth certificate. Since I was in California he told me how certain years they would use the same certificate number which I lucked out because that's how he found mine. The information included only the last name of my birthmother along with the full name of the birthfather. Well, that gave me a direction to go. Then he found a marriage certificate for the birthfather and the same last name as my birthmother 6 months after my birth. I kind of stopped myself and wondered why she married 6 months after my birth and not before. Now I had both names of my birthparents and a county to start my digging.

To our astonishment the birthfather's name was listed in the phone book for the same county where they were married. Early on in the decision to search I placed the phone calls in "J"s hands. His exact words were... "If there's going to be any rejection I'll be on the receiving end and not you". So he made the first call to the "birthfather". He confirmed that he was married to lady on the marriage certificate but knew nothing about me. He also confirmed that she had given a child away prior to their marriage. Well, there you have it - I found them right? Yikes - could this really be that easy.....

Yeah right!!! The birthfather then stated that they had divorced 3 years after their marriage and had not heard from her since then. He had no clue where she was and would not release anymore information to us.

Well, I thought I might be at a deadend because if she remarried I would not have a clue as to her new married name, the year that she remarried or what state she may have moved to with a possible new marriage. Then I remembered we had her maiden last name and first name from the marriage certificate. I knew she had 13 brothers and sisters and they were Mormons. And Mormons are known for family and every family has a tree...... Back to genealogy!!!!

I looked on the computer and found a family tree that had 13 brothers and sisters. My birthmom's name from the marriage certificate was on there!!! WOOHOO!!! success. I now had names of brothers (whose names don't change through marriage). I started looking in death records, phone books and came across a grave where one of the brothers were buried in the county where I was looking. I looked in the phone book and found a lady in the same town/ county (very very small town/county) where I was looking. A british lady answered and confirmed that she was the EX-wife of one of the brothers, but not the one buried. I did not tell this woman who I was or what I wanted in fear that she would just hang up on me. I just told her that I was "family" and was looking to locate "N". She told me "N"s new name and where I could find her. Well, that led me to another state's phone book and I found her number in Oregon. By this time I was shaking with fear, turning ice cold in my bones. "J" got home and wanted to make the call right then and there, but I had school. I was taking a spanish class at a local college and had a final that night. Besides "J" had to teach a class that evening and I really wanted to mull it over for a few hours. I got through the test, but barely. I was antsy and wanted to finish and get out of there. I finished and was on my way to what was to be a life changing event.

When I got home, I turned on the TV in hopes of just relaxing a minute and put my mind in neutral because it was in overdrive for so many hours. No such luck. "J" walked into the house and said "Let's do it Babe". So he called her..... She answered and "J" explained why he was calling. I then heard him ask "Are you my wife's birthmom?" Then there was silence and he hung up the phone. He looked at me and was white as a sheep. I thought oh Dear God what have we done. Then he laid the story on me. The lady we thought was my birthmom was actually my aunt (my birthmom's sister) who married my birthfather 6 months after my birth. She too relinquished a son 6 months older then me. She told "J" she's make a call and be back with us shortly. I know now that she did that to protect my birthmom. I'm glad she did.

Well, now I'm a nervous wreck and ready for a drink. Next thing I know the phone rings and "J" answered it. He asked "are you my wife's birthmom?" Her answer..... "Yes honey, I am". He told her to hang on and handed me the phone. Both of us were kind of dumb founded. We were both joyful and yet very nervous. She had so much to say and I didn't know what to say. That's when she told me that I had 6 half siblings. I about fell over on the floor and asked "J" to get me a drink (Hey, I deserved it at that point). "J" was all excited running around the house singing "it's an Oprah moment", and I told him "no it's not I haven't even told my mom and dad yet, you'd better not call Oprah".

My birthmom "J" answered all my questions with ease and told me about my siblings. They had been searching for me for the past 5 years prior and here I was. After we talked for about an hour she said that she wanted to call all the kids. She also said that she would have them call the next day because it was so late. I insisted that they call that night!!!

One by one they phoned me until the wee hours of the morning I think my bsis (only bsis rest are boys) phoned about 5:30 a.m. We exchanged addresses, phone number, birthdates, names, etc. It was SOOOO overwhelming, but in such a good way. My brother "T" was the last to call since he was moving and didn't have a phone yet. He knew nothing about me for several days.

Well, my circle was almost closed...... now for the 1st meeting.....