What about my birthfather?????

That's a very good question. The man named on my birth certificate was a friend of the family that ended up marrying my birthmom's sister six months after my birth. The same man who said that he knew nothing of me, yet must have known that his wife's sister was pregnant. And that they DID have a fling. Very Odd indeed.....

My birthmom called him after we were reunited and explained that I could indeed be his daughter because of the one night stand that they shared so many years ago. It was then that the realization that he could have another daughter hit home. He called me and asked for a meeting. This put a little terror in me because my birthmom was in another state and I would be doing this on my own.

We decided to meet in the town where both he and my birthmom grew up. This way I could meet two aunts (M & C) for the first time. We arrived about 7:00 a.m. in a sleepy little town in the mountains. It was odd thinking that this was the place where I could have been raised. As I looked around I noticed the small community with little happening that early in the morning. My dh said that must have been why I have a love for the mountains and peaceful settings.

We met at my aunt M's house for breakfast. It was there that I met C as well. They were nothing like my birthmom. They were definitely more outspoken and opinionated than my birthmom. I felt a little uneasy at the declaration of my aunt M who was very apologetic about my adoption. It was almost as though she was trying to clear her conscience. Both her and C were truck drivers and were on the road when I came about. They had no clue until after the adoption and were apologetic for not being there for me. I tried as best as I could to ease their minds by letting them know that I was happy and raised in a great atmosphere with a loving family. I think in some strange way it eased their minds a little. But let me tell you.... they sure had it out for J (the man listed as my father). This was one man that they DID NOT like.

We visited for some time getting to know each other. We talked about our families and lives. They also gave me some inside information about the family which helped explain alot. Several hours later it was time to meet J at a restaurant in town. He was going to be there with his third wife (2nd wife died) daughter and one of his sons. His other son was refusing to show up because he thought I was some gold digger out for money. I really couldn't blame him. Who was I to disturb this family? Was I doing the right thing? Although my intentions were good, some read more into a situation than others.

J was a nice looking man with the same color eyes as myself. My birthmom and all my siblings (and actually all my aunts and uncles) had blue eyes. I am the oddball because my eyes are hazel and actually lean more towards green. J stared at me looking for resemblances as I too looked to see if there was some genetic connection. His wife stated that our facial features were very similar. As we sat and talked I looked up to notice my two aunts had followed us to the restaurant and were sitting there having cocktails. It was like they were waiting to beat the hell out of this poor guy. It was funny, but made both J and I very nervous. Gotta love 'em. Their hearts were in the right place, but their brains just weren't there. Before a confrontation could be had, I went over and told them that I was disappointed in their actions and that if they started anything I would not speak with either of them again. They retorted with they were there to "protect" me from this man. Apparently, when J was married to my aunt N they had a very tumulous and alcoholic marriage. But J had been sober for years as was N. J was very gallant with the aunts and asked them to sit with us. Let me tell ya, that was very brave because I wouldn't want to meet these two aunts in a dark alley.

It was there we decided to confirm if J was indeed my birthfather through DNA testing. It was also decided that no matter what we had a friendship between my family and his.

About 2 months later.....

J and I had the tests run. He in his town and I in mine. We both sat on pins and needles. I have never in my life felt so anxious and nervous. I received the news on a Friday. It was determined that J was NOT my birthfather. To tell you the truth I was devastated and so was J. We cried together on the phone because both he and I wanted it to be true. We had become very close. His kids took it pretty hard as well. I felt really bad because I intruded on this poor man's life and gave him a disappointment of a lifetime.

So now what??????

I called my birthmom and we talked. She apologized and cried about how she wasn't true when she put his name down. It was between him and another guy who was also a one night stand set up by her brother right before they both left for Vietnam. Neither came home. They both died in Vietnam. And the real sad part? My birthmom can't remember his name, only a nickname that he had. So, now I may never know. Am I disappointed? Sure. Mad? Maybe just a little. Something is just not right with the story that I have been given. I think there's more to this and I may never be given the answer. It may go to the grave.

But such is life. I have my DAD. The most wonderful, caring and loving father I will ever know. We may not be genetically connected, but we're connected in every sense as Father and Daughter!!!