Columbia

After my surgery we contemplated on micro-surgery to repair the fused fimbria. But after speaking with doctor after doctor and finally a specialist in micro-surgery it was determined that if we went ahead with the surgery there would be an almost 95% chance of a tubal pregnancy with possible life threatening repercussions. We then looked into in-vitro. Back in the late 80's they would attempt 3 times at $7k/ea with no guarantees. Fine and dandy, but I had already been poked and prodded more than I care to mention. I was tired of the tests, injections, pills and hormone tweeks. It was time to stop tormenting my body any further and just let sleeping dogs lie. That's the hardest thing to do when you want a family. But when you're cornered into something beyond your total control and genetic make up you have to make peace with what you have in front of you instead of your dreams.

My DH worked at a children's hospital back in the 80's. I even worked in the parent house on the weekends. The parent house was there for parents and family of trauma patients that live 100 or more miles away from the hospital. It was a safe and quiet haven for them. A place where they could rest and yet be close to their child who was critically ill. I became close with these parents and sat many a night up with them easing their minds and letting them get some of their frustrations out in words. It made my heart feel good to know that I could be there.

In 1987 my DH was approached by an employee at the hospital whose native home was Columbia, South America. She asked us if we'd like to adopt in her country. Her sister was doing an emergency foster parenting of a 2 day old. The mother of the child could not (for whatever reason) raise the child and wanted the baby to be raised in America. The relinquishment papers were already signed before we were called and she was made a ward. They then immediately gave us guardianship which was also signed by the birthmom. But there was still alot of road ahead of us to travel before picking up this beautiful baby girl who we named Kristina.

Although very nervous about the whole situation, our attorney referred us to an attorney that specialized in international law. He confirmed that everything was on the up and up. We then proceeded to start the process.

The United States government would not allow me or dh out of the states to care for the baby until everything was completed (international homestudy, background check, psych, passports, visas, etc.) so we started the grueling process.

Background check was pretty simplistic since I already held a "Secret" clearance through the government. I was a tech writer for a civilian engineering firm that contracted through the Navy. The international homestudy, home checks and psych tests started and was lengthy. We applied for our passports and began the Visa process for Kristina.

During this whole time we hired a foster family in a little town outside of Bogota to care for Kristina. We sent money, clothes, food and some basic furniture needs to help them out. I so wanted to just hop on a plane and go, but knew that I couldn't.

Time was going by fast and before we knew it Kristina was 6 months old. We called (using a translator) and sent letters. Receiving updates and pictures was an on-going thrill for us while we waited and the feeling of helplessness came over us time and time again.

Right after Kristina turned 6 months old everything was complete. Visa was in place, passports were ready, plane tickets bought, hotel reserved and homestudy and all associated paperwork was in the last stages of being translated before going to the Columbian Consolate. We were packing our bags and ready to jet out at a moments notice. That is until we received a call....

I'll never forget the day. The was about 7:00 a.m. and I was getting ready for work when the phone call rang. It was the foster parents calling us via the translator to inform us that they decided that they wanted to adopt Kristina. My heart just dropped and I didn't know what to say. My mind went blank and I guess I turned white as a sheet because dh grabbed the phone and talked with them. He told them that we'd get back with them later in the day and hung up the phone.

We called our attorney and he told us that we did have legal guardianship but if they wanted to take it further it could turn into a 3 or more year battle in Columbia. The battle would be uphill most of the way not in our complete favor because of the on-goings in Columbia during that time. So we went to the hospital and talked with a couple of doctors in the psych department there. The last thing we wanted was to put this little innocent child through a battle. Our attorney did some checking for us to make sure that the family was on the up and up.

It was decided that afternoon that we would not fight but relinquish our guardianship and hope that Kristina would be raised with the same love and family in her native country. It broke our hearts and we were very sad and maybe just a little bit angry. We felt used for those 6 months. But deep down inside I know that we made the right decision. About a week after our decision we received an article from Bogota. It had no return address on the envelope. It had two pictures on it. The left pictures showed the bomb squad checking out a store front. The right picture showed the after effects and remains of the squad after the explosion. We're not sure what that meant, but whatever it was... it wasn't good.

We often think of Kristina. We hope and pray that she's happy, healthy and was raised with love and compassion.