A Child Enters Our Lives

After the Columbian fiasco we decided to pack up the nursery (beautiful south american theme with bright colors) and try to pick up the pieces and go on with our lives. It was tough and not a single day went by that I didn't think about Kristina. I was literally tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I started to feel like God dealt me a zinger of a life. I was content with being adopted and had no issues with it, but just couldn't grasp the "whys" of EVERYTHING. At this time I had not reunited with my birthfamily and had no family with my dh (children). But I knew in my heart that there were reasons. In a way I find it amusing because I think it gave me strength in some odd way. Strength that I never knew I had.

We started anew by getting a new house out in the suburbs of the Bay Area. It was in a brand new up and coming development. I was really apprehensive about the move because I had lived in one area my whole life. It was a strange thing for me to uproot my life like that. But, we liked it out there. However, the commute was terrible. The quiet and serene community made up for that. It was nice to come home to the quietness of the neighborhood. It also put us closer to the Delta where we liked to romp on our time off. The other nice thing? Our house was right next door to some very good friends that we met through the hospital. They lost their oldest child J at the age of 2-1/2 within that past year. That too was a very tough time in our lives. In the matter of 6 months we had lost 3 very dear people in our lives and with the adoption loss on top of all that - ugh.

My dh's mom was a nurse for a hospital up north of us. One night when she had called she was telling my dh how they were having a somewhat symposium on adoption. She thought maybe we'd like to attend and tell our story. At first we were reluctant but thought that maybe our story might help someone else doing international adoption.

When we arrived there were about 40 people there. We listened as people told their stories and such. My heart went out to those that hurt and a gladness for those that had wonderful stories.

~~~Before I go on you need to realize that this was the late 80's and it was not common for inter-racial domestic adoptions. Same goes for open adoptions. It was there, but very uncommon for the time. ~~~

Anyway - our turn came for telling our story. After telling our story someone asked us if it totally turned off our views to adoption. At first I was hesitant in answering but explained to them that although we were duped for money it's the child that matters. And we based our decision on the best interest of the child. Another question was posed as to whether we wanted to do another international adoption or if we wanted a domestic adoption. At this point I was getting a little heated because the questions were more towards "your white" "why would you want to adopt internationally". We explained that it didn't matter. I went on telling them that a child deserves to grow up with parents and some circumstances just don't allow that whether they be black, white, asian or hispanic. Nationality or color should never be an issue. A county worker stood up and told me that under no circumstances would inter-racial adoptions be allowed in her county and many other counties in the state (laws have changed since then). It was then that my dh stood up and said (and I do quote) "well lady, my wife is adopted and since there's no background on her nationality I'm telling you she's part african american. I dare you to prove her wrong". Although dh and I knew darn well that I was not part african american it made that lady stop and the puzzled look on her face was absolutely priceless. You could actually hear a pin drop in the room. I was so proud of my hubby.

The meeting was basically adjourned shortly thereafter. A lady from a private agency approached and handed us her card. She told us that she was touched by our story and asked if we'd send her our portfolio.

After careful consideration we decided to go ahead with it. It was been almost 2 years since the Columbian fiasco. So off went our portfolio. We received a call right after they received our portfolio. They explained that there was a child born 3 months prior. The birthmom was only 17 and was already caring for a 17 month old. She felt that just couldn't care for 2 children at that time. The agency explained that they would like to give the birthmom our portfolio along with 2 or 3 others. They then explained that the child was african american. A problem? No. We obliged and told them to go ahead with it. But to tell you the truth I did not want to get our hopes up. I knew I'd be strong enough for another disappointment, but just wasn't sure that I was ready for it.

It took about a week and we received a call on the following Wednesday. I will never forget the day. The social worker told me to sit down first and then proceeded to tell me that we were chosen and that we could pick up our son on that Friday. FRIDAY!!!! OMG, I about freaked. First, Friday was my 26th birthday. Second, the nursery was still packed away. The worker knew that we did not want to bring anything out until it was positively a go. Most women have 9 months to prepare. I had 2 DAYS!!!!!

My dh was outside visiting with some neighbors when I approached him and whispered in his ear that it's a boy and he'll be arriving Friday!!!! Feelings of joy, elation and happiness swept our neighborhood. I think my dh and I were still in disbelief. Maybe stunned is a better word. We never thought we'd see the day when we would be a family or more than 2 people.

That Thursday was the longest day of my life. Since everything we had was for a little girl, we went shopping to change the colors from pink and greens to blues and yellows. We set up the crib, washed all the bedding, clothes, bottles, etc. It took most of the day, but I think it was good for us to keep busy.

Friday morning finally came and I had to go into work for a couple of minutes for last minute details like my resignation and all - lol. While I was working out the details, my dh went out to get last minute things. We decided instead of coming directly home (because we were travelling an hour away) that we would stay Friday night at dh mom's house and then proceed up to my parent's ranch in the mountains (they bought this right after I married).

The time came and dh picked me up at work for our journey. We had Dixie (our dog) all packed and ready to go with us along with all the stuff needed for the baby. In all the excitement I totally forgot about my birthday and my hubby presented me with 2 dozen lavendar roses and a stuffed bear. He was so cute about it.

We dropped the dog off at dh's mom's house and journeyed to our destination. We picked up the social worker from her office and drove to the house, It was there that we met our son and his birthmom. "A" (our son) was the cutest baby I had ever seen. His smile just melted your heart. His birthmom "D" was a quiet, petite and gorgeous girl. She too melted my heart. We also had the opportunity to meet the foster parents that cared for "A" during the last 3 months. I have to tell you, I was scared to death and shaking inside. I wasn't sure what to say to "D". I wanted so much to reassure her and to let her know that I would make her proud. We talked and answered each other's questions. She was so soft spoken. I know this had to be the hardest day for her in her life. This was the first time that she had seen "A" since the day after he was born. After about an hour or 2 it was time to part our ways. We hugged and cried. I promised her there that "A" is and would remain the most loved and wanted child ever.

We had to take the social worker back to her office and my dh was driving while I was sitting in the back seat with "A" in his carseat just mesmorized. I just couldn't take my eyes off of him. DH and worker were chit chatting when dh almost sideswiped a car changing lanes (actually wasn't his fault - car was in blind spot). I thought OMG she's gonna think we're loons and take away the baby. It was then that the worker roller down her window and told the guy to ignore my dh because he's a new father. I had to laugh because she did have a sense of humor and keen understanding.

We went back to the office to sign the final papers and talk. The worker was having a hard time getting us to pay attention because we were playing with the baby. But she understood and was very patient with us. Since open adoption was not common it was decided earlier that we would send "D" pictures every 3 months for the first year. Then it would be up to "A" when he's 21. (I had that changed to 18).

Our first night proved to be interesting. "A" got sleep but dh and I just sat there and watched him all night. At that point we cried and promised "A" that we would be the best parents that we could be. That we would love him unconditionally and always make sure that he's happy, healthy and full aware of the wonderful woman who gave him life.

Now that "A" is 17, I await the day that he reunites with "D". I truly want "D" in his life and wish that open adoption would have been a choice at the time. "D" and her family will always be welcome in my home and heart. This woman sacrificed her feelings and entrusted us with the most precious memories that life has to offer. I have the uttmost respect and love for her.

"D" truly is my hero.