Am I real or not

In the adoption world you can go to board after board and get different answers to questions. I have noticed in the past couple of years the issue of being a "real" parent to a child as an adoptive parents has been a huge debate.

Now I have thought long and hard about this and really looked at the definitions of the word "real".

There are 10 definitions for the word real as an adjective, 1 as a noun and 1 as idiom. That's alot of definitions for a four letter word. And it goes to prove that one word can mean so many things to different people and situations.

As an adoptive parent I'm not pretending to be a parent, but living the day to day activities of parenthood with the good, the bad and the ugly.

One of the definitions for real is.... "Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence..." Well, that just proved my point to the sentence before this definition.

Then there's "true and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal"...

How about "of or founded on practical matters and concerns"...

All three of the definitions show that I am, as a person and even an adoptive mother, real as real can be. I may not be the original, first or birth mother but I am in every sense a real mother.

I think the definition I like the most is "being no less than what is stated; worthy of the name"...

So what makes a real parent? Is it birthrights? Is it genetic make up? Or is it the love and understanding that it takes to raise a child.

I have to tell you that as an adoptive parent I was appalled by the thought of someone thinking of me not as a real mother. And as an adoptee I was hurt that someone could think that the mother who raised and nurtured me wasn't real. That would be like saying that I was raised in a robotic atmosphere without compassion. My mom raised me with love and understanding. She was there for my skinned knees, trophies that were won, first words, first steps, first lost tooth, etc. My mom is REAL in every sense of the word and its definitions. Then again, so is my birthmom. I have 2 real moms. Twice the love and understanding. I consider myself very lucky and priviledged to have both of them in my life.