Tuesday, March 14, 2006

A Whirlwind Courtship

This June I will be celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary. Oh my gosh, did I just write that... 25 years??? Where has the time gone? Alot of people wonder how in the world did we stay together after only 4 months of dating before we said our vows. Yep, you read right. Only 4 months of dating. Why? What in the world were we thinking? Well, let me tell you...

In September of 1980 I moved myself up to Seattle to reunite with my boyfriend who was in the Coast Guard. I was only 17, but promised my parents that I would get my GED and go on to college. They agreed knowing that I'd do it anyway. Yeah, kind of rebellious in my teen years. Anyway, after a couple of months he walked in the apartment one afternoon and told me to pack my bags and go home and he didn't want nor need me anymore and walked out the door. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I was only 17, still not an adult and very spontaneous. So what did I do????? Took a whole bottle of Tylenol w/codeine.

After I did that I realized that I didn't want to die. I wanted to go home where I was safe and secure. I didn't like this grown-up bit. I wasn't ready to be a grown up and take on the responsibilities of it. I called my boyfriend's best friend and told him the stupid thing I had done. He immediately dispatched everyone he knew to help me. The next thing I know I had the fire department, police department and ambulance at my service.

I didn't want my parents to know the stupid thing I had done and agreed to drink some Epicak (sp?) to get the stuff out of my system. They said that if I drank it they would not call my parents, but just take me to the hospital to talk with someone. Okay, I can handle that. Well, they then gave me a choice. Did I want to ride in the Fire Truck, the Ambulance or the Police Car? Yep, they actually gave me a choice. I actually chose the police car because it was brand new. To be honest it was a toss up with the fire truck and police car. I had never ridden in either one. Those poor policemen didn't know what hit them when that stuff started to take effect. You could say that I broke in their police car - lol. They were cordial and sympathetic with me though.

They put me in a room and took some blood work. A psychologist came in and we spoke for some time. I explained to her that it was a stupid thing that I did. I told her about what happened that day and the prior days. She said that his abuse towards me was in an emotional respect and the only crazy one was him and not me. She told me I was going to be just fine and that she's release me in the next hour or two. (you see, I didn't give the stuff a chance to work - right after I took them I realized what I had done.)

A nurse came in with a phone and told me that I had a call. On the line was my big brother and my dad. They were not angry at me but at my boyfriend. My brother said that he was loading the shotgun as we spoke - lol (loving protective brother) and he'd be flying up to bring me home. I told him that this was my battle and I was going to finish it off. They actually sent me home with my boyfriend that night. His friend offered me a place to stay (in fact, come to find out later that his best friend liked me). But I had to face this problem and since he wasn't a physical abuser then I could handle one night. I basically told him to stay out of my way or I'd deck him - LOL. The next morning I flew home.....

Oh my gosh, you don't know how good it felt to be home. I felt safe, secure and happy again. I felt that I learned a life lesson. I felt that my actions were wreckless, stupid and very immature. But I was alive and grateful for it. You'd think I'd learn though. It was 1 year earlier that I lost my best friend to an overdose. Maybe that's what saved me.

When I returned it was around the Christmas Holiday season. I wasn't working so mom and dad gave me money to spend for the holidays. I went out with friends that I had known for quite some time to concerts, dinner and movies. Everyone was trying to keep me as busy as possible.

In January I told my mom that I wanted to work for a year before attending college. Since I had taken typing in high school (when I attended) my mom said that a receptionists job would be great for me. That evening she found an ad in the paper for me and I called it the next morning.

I had an interview that next "evening". An evening interview? Both my mom and I found this kind of strange, but I wanted to check it out anyway. I asked that my mom go with me because I didn't know the area very well. The interview was at a home in a residential neighborhood. My mom was nervous and said that maybe I shouldn't do this, but I said that I'm up for an adventure and wanted to check it out. My mom thought I was crazy and so did I, but I'm always up for a challenge. When I went to the door a "large" biker guy answered with a full arm cast. I looked at him and told him that I probably had the wrong house, but he said "no" and to not worry because it was a legitimate business. I was escorted to the kitchen and sat at the kitchen table to fill out an application. I sat there watching the hustle and bustle of people trying to figure out what type of business they had. There was a large box of keys sitting in the middle of the table with tags. One guy came up and pulled out a set and gave directions to another guy and sent him on his way. I finally asked what kind of business it was and he told me "car repo". Oh my - did I really want to be there? I told them that I'd fill out the application in my car and bring it back. They obliged and I left. When I got in the car I told my mom what had happened. That was one job I did NOT want. So we left.

The next day I was at the bank and a friend of the family that works there asked me if I wanted to become a bank teller. Sure why not!!!! So I put in my application. In the meantime, I decided to do some temp work with an agency to get my feet wet. My first assignment was a company not too far from home.

It was February 9th, 1981 and I was very nervous walking into my first assignment. I was 17 and actually in the working field. All my other friends were still in high school (I did get my GED in Seattle). I met the owner and a couple of his associates and was made comfortable in the office. They gave me my desk with all the necessary tools right next to a huge window with a view. They told me that they'd have someone bring me a typewriter (pc computers were not really in style then). About a half hour later this nice guy with reddish brown hair (shoulder length), full beard, mustache and nice built brought me my typewriter. He introduced himself as "J". The outlet for the typewriter was in the floor underneath my desk so he offered to get it set up for me. I tease "J" now because I think he was just trying to look up my skirt - LOL. And you know what - He agrees!!!

During the day "J" seemed to come through the office quite a bit and strike up a conversation with me. Just a little here and there. By the afternoon he had about 10 guys outside the front window looking in at me - LOL. He showed off with lifting things and smiling my way. He sure was cute. He also tried to make me laugh. My heart just kind of melted.

On my second day of work "J" asked me to lunch. Since he had a motorcycle and I was wearing a dress, we took my car. We sat and had a nice lunch and talked about ourselves. He was shocked to learn that I was only 17 and I was shocked to learn that he was 20. I was in awe of his wonderful smile and soothing personality. But I was also leary about men at that point.

Later that afternoon I received a call from my mom that I had gotten the position as teller for the bank. That training would start in 2 days. I was thrilled but kind of sad. It was then that the owner came into the office and offered me a full time job. I think he knew that "J" liked me and I got along great with everyone. It really was a nice relaxing office to work. But I declined and told him that I accepted another position. I thanked him for the work experience and told him that if this other job didn't work out that I'd love to come work for him.

"J" was kind of disappointed that I took another job, but I also explained to him that if he was serious about going out with me that I couldn't work and date in the same office anyway. I took "J" home for dinner that night to meet my parents. My dad got a kick out of him and they hit it off right away. My mom always liked the guys I brought home because she trusted my judgment. She told me she didn't care if I dated a biker "as long as he doesn't bring his bike into the house". Gosh - you just gotta love my mom.

We started dating and on my 18th birthday in April, "J" presented me with an engagement ring and roses. On bended knee (in our family room) he told me that he knew I was the one for him from the 1st day we met. That he wanted to ask me on our first date - lol. He promised to take care of me and love me for eternity. Well, what does a girl say but.....

YES!!!!

My parents were not surprised and really liked "J". We decided to have an October wedding. We started planning and searching reception halls. The guest lists were being made by the parents. His father's wife ("J"s Step mom) refused to attend the wedding if I didn't wear a certain veil - STRIKE 1. One of my best friends decided to have her wedding on the exact same date and told me that I needed to move my wedding date even though I was engaged before her - STRIKE 2. My mom came up with this astronomical guest list. It was HUGE and none of my friends were on it. I told her that was fine, but I had a dozen or so friends of my own that I wanted to add. My little sister "B" (who's a natural child of my aparents) came up to me in front of my mom and said "mom and dad can't afford a big wedding for you. Only their real daughter!!" Ouch!!! that hurt. My mom was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. I knew it wasn't true, but my sister was drumming it into my head all my life about real and not real B.S. - STRIKE 3. That was my breaking point. I know every bride feels this way, but good gosh -

I moved out that day and moved in with a friend. I told my mom that she should have stopped "B" in her tracks and she hurt me. My mom was so dumbfounded that I'm not even sure what happened after I left. I moved THAT DAY.

"J" told me to forget all of them and let's just elope. Right after that I found out I was pregnant and told him that maybe he was right. But I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of eloping. So we made calls and told them that we were getting married in 2 weeks and if they wanted to come then fine. If not, well then TOO BAD!!

My mom came over to the apartment and apologized. She said that she wanted me to have a beautiful wedding. I told her that time is of the essence and explained the dilema. She understood and off we went to find a dress and flowers. I wanted one of my friends to stand up with me as maid of honor, but my mom asked me to do her a favor and ask my sister because she's be the only sister that I'd ever have (so we thought). So I did out of respect for my mom. Am I a sucker or what...

The 13th day of June arrived. We were married on the 13th day, 13th hour with 13 people present. How's that for BAD luck - LOL.

It was a nice intimate wedding. My parents surprised us by having a sit down luncheon/dinner at a nice nice restaurant on the bay. They also surprised us with a beautiful cake with a crystal heart as a topper. My day was complete. I had a wonderful husband, family that didn't give up on me and still came through no matter what our dilemas were, and IN-LAWS. Okay, so it wasn't perfect.

J's and my time together has been trying. We've had lots of ups and downs like any other couple. I think the first 5 years were the hardest on us. All my friends except for one is divorced and working on their 2nd and 3rd marriages. Even my brother and sister have 2nd marriages. Me - I've worked hard at my marriage and intend to keep working on it. J is the most special person and my true soul mate. I once asked him why he loved me. He said because I put up with his crap!!! LOL. No - really.... he said because we laugh and cry together, we don't fight over big stuff like money and home, we know what the other is thinking by just looking at their eyes (which is oh so true).

Love has gotten us through alot of rough patches. I think I'll keep him for just a while longer...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing your story in such detail!